The person doing the trusting also matters. Each of us has developed what researchers call a propensity to trust. This is one way to describe our tolerance for risk and our willingness to accept being vulnerable in a relationship. Some of us enter relationships with a high propensity to trust, whereas others enter relationships highly skeptical. Often, our propensity to trust is shaped as much by our interpretations of our past as they are by our perceptions of our present.
Accept the fact that there are some people and some groups who simply are slow to trust, regardless of the circumstances. Your interactions matter. This is probably the one factor that people routinely overlook.
I call this our personal wake. Like a boat moving through the water, we also leave a wake in our path each day we interact with others. Sometimes the wake is calming and comforting, while at other times it can be rough and turbulent. The interactions between you and those you supervise are important because they create ripples that can reach far beyond the actual interaction. Climate matters. An organization with ethical norms that are shared and respected widely among employees will create conditions that promote trust.
Organizations that promote the psychological safety of employees will contribute to the development of trust. If employees perceive the organization, at large, cares about their well-being they will be more likely to exhibit higher levels of trust. These four constitute the primary factors people turn to when evaluating whether or not to trust you. As you pay attention to each of them, there are some additional things worth considering.
Power is one of them. Paradoxically, there must be at least a little trust in order to discuss its lack and make attempts to rebuild it, while if the loss of trust remains unaddressed, the relationship will grow more and more distant. Trust is often related to leadership and power, but it is not a given. To be effective, a leader must earn the trust of his or her constituents to ensure their participation and allegiance. Yet even trust that is earned can be quickly lost and cannot be quickly regained.
If members of a team or relationship lose trust in each other, it takes a great deal of work to restore it. People are not quick to reinvest in a relationship where trust has been broken. They generally move on. Since trust is so important in both working and personal relationships, how can we monitor it, build upon it and heal it when it becomes frayed?
It is useful to view trust as a natural response to certain qualities in a person, group or organization, and the absence of these qualities will diminish the level of trust. These qualities are:.
All of these qualities contribute to the degree of trust people have for each other. If you are feeling a shift of trust in a relationship, it is helpful to assess the presence or absence of each of these six qualities.
This allows you to discover what is lacking in the relationship and find ways to restore trust. To build or rebuild trust, a leader must open the conversation about the degree to which each of the six qualities are present and be open to hearing what others feel, observe and need.
Of course, the leader will need some trust in the others in order to begin this process. Similarly, it takes courage in a family or personal relationship to bring up loss of trust and to request that another person modify their behavior. This may lead to learning that you need to look at your own behavior too.
Trust is a two-way street, built by the behavior of each person in the relationship. But by sharing our feelings with the person who hurt us, we might begin to see things differently and realize that their intention was not what we imagined. I am glad to know that you share the same experiences when working with couples and that we are touching on some extremely important issues in our work. Hey Brittainy, this was such a thought provoking post.
Especially in the field I work in Rehab counselling it can be really hard to build trust when our clients aren't normally self-referred. My approach to building trust is about asking more questions and never assuming I know the answers. Its definitely a challenge and a process but I have always been moved by the idea of walking alongside people rather than leading them.
Can't wait to read your post about handling disappointments as we build trust! Thanks so much for your post! I often find trust building to be of extreme importance too in my work of counseling.
Sometimes it's difficult for us to step out of the expert role and realize we can learn just as much from our clients as they can from us! This is a great article! Trust and vulnerability are such important concepts. I appreciated the emphasis on how trust allows us to make connections. Trust is certainly one of the cornerstones of any kind of relationship. Thank you Michael! Trust is indeed a huge cornerstone, and it's sad that so many people's experiences of trust and security can be damaged at such a young age!
Hopefully in our work, we can make a difference! Great article! Trust is so important in relationships. I was just reminded this weekend that being a bit vulnerable and trusting my partner did make things less daunting and actually achievable.
Catherine, wow! This is such great feedback! I am glad that you were able to utilize the tips in your own relationship. It definitely makes our relationships less bumpy :. Hello blogger, good morning. Gorgeous blog post. You have gained a new reader. Pleasee keep it up and I look forward to more of your incredible articles. Hi Jasa. We have added you to our email list, but for future reference, you can find it on our home page at the bottom. When my ex told me i was the only woman in his life i believed him with lots of trust,but when i caught him having affair with my sister, i stoped believing people by mare promises.
We are sorry to hear about your experience.
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