The idea that two people, both biologically programmed to desire sex with multiple partners, could make it through plus years without a single hiccup is wildly idealistic, if not impossible.
In no other area of life do we demand this level of aggressive perfection. World-class athletes lose races, Michelin star chefs cook disappointing meals, and best-selling artists release songs that bomb.
We don't dethrone them of the title they've worked a lifetime to earn simply because they had a bad day on the job. And yet, we hold our spouses to a standard that has no room for error. We declare one night's poor decision-making cause for nullifying years of marital happiness. In doing so, we force one another into the shadows of routine deceit and build our marriages on secrecy, resentment, and silent discontent.
Demonising women who cheat isn't helping us bridge that gap. In reality, female sexuality is far more complex than that. It can't be tamed or moulded through an omnipresent fear of punishment or declaration of ownership. In fact, perhaps the only way to maintain some level of certainty around a woman's sexual commitment to you is to find new ways to make her feel seen each day and remind her that she's still got it.
The biggest red flag is being wacky with the phone — if the phone is always locked and never leaves her sight, even when she's in the shower, I'd worry. For can't-miss news, expert beauty advice, genius home solutions, delicious recipes, and lots more, sign up for the Good Housekeeping newsletter. Subscribe Now. Product Reviews. Home Ideas.
United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. The Rise of the Cleanfluencer. PeopleImages Getty Images. But Nelson also points out that sometimes people cheat because they want something in their current relationship to change: "Women cheat to get out of a marriage, or to stay in one," she says.
Research suggests that men are more likely to cheat in committed relationships. Interestingly, women in the age group actually cheated slightly more than men. Though as the years go on, fewer women cheat while more men cheat, and the gap gets wider over time. To be cheated on can sever the trust of an otherwise healthy relationship—and to be the cheater can leave one feeling guilty, confused, and unsure of how to move forward.
Perhaps you just discovered your partner is cheating, or maybe you're the one who did the cheating. Either way, it's important to address it if you want to move forward, whether that means staying together or breaking up. Let your partner know you need to talk to them about something important, and take some time to think about how you want to approach the conversation.
Couples' therapy may be a good option to encourage a healthy and productive discussion. I see over and over again that the relationship can get much, much better when both people open up and deal with what created the dysfunction.
But if one partner isn't open to dealing with it, then there's no point. It's not going to get better. Cheating is, in all honesty, not that uncommon. If it happens in your relationship, that doesn't mean it has to be the end of the road for the two of you.
Nelson and Paul both say recovering from cheating is possible—and can be well worth it in creating a stronger relationship than you had before. If you're both on board, with time, you can start rebuilding trust so you're stronger than ever. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours. Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide.
You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Log in Profile. Depending on the care and nurturing or lack thereof that one receives as a child, they'll fall into one of three attachment styles as adults: secure having well-adjusted expectations and approaches to relationships , anxious exhibiting fear of abandonment , or avoidant preferring to retain their independence from others.
People who identify with anxious and avoidant attachment styles are more likely to display characteristics that interfere with a healthy romantic relationship think clinginess and dismissiveness.
Moreover, they're more likely to cheat, as they seek out reassurance from a third-party partner or attempt to avoid the intimacy of the primary relationship. While midlife crises generally affect people between the ages of 35 and 60, the event has less to do with age than extenuating circumstances. Major life events, such as the death of a parent or a milestone birthday, may trigger a midlife crisis in a woman, causing them to wrestle with the burden of greatness; that is, the sociocultural expectation that women can and should "have it all"—a successful career, a loving partner, adoring children, and so on.
What am I doing with my life? A woman may act out of character as she attempts to realize her potential and make up for lost time.
According to Block, depression and infidelity go hand in hand. In other words, a woman who cheats could be self-medicating through their infidelity, even if they don't realize the true reason behind their pleasure.
Few acts of infidelity are premeditated, asserts Skurtu, but rather a result of an unexpected opportunity. They start commiserating and then it moves on from there," she adds. People in this situation usually can't explain the reason behind their infidelity. Similar opportunities exist in the digital realm, too. Social media , dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease at which we can connect with others, sometimes serving as a springboard for affairs —even if the interactions start innocently.
People can develop a wide variety of coping mechanisms to deal with difficult emotions , sometimes choosing strategies that have emotionally numbing effects as an easier option than facing them. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and other addictions or compulsive behaviors are just a few examples. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex.
Arch Sex Behav. Institute for Family Studies. Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America. Updated Jan. Updated July 1, Temas Psicol. Middle-aged women missing passion and sex seek affairs, not divorce. Updated Aug. Psychology Today. Updated Nov.
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